What is wrong with me.... please me sensitive?

I am a 17 year old female, currently studying for A levels.

Between the ages of 13-16 I went through a bit of a phase... I've always wanted to please others and look good to others (maybe it's an insecure thing?!) so at that age I was very easily lead. I have a sister 3 years older and at the time she had gotten in with the wrong crowd and was quite naughty and into hardcore and rather chavvy things (but no drugs). My sister was obviously my only influence along with a friend I had at the time who I think back now is pretty messed up (however harsh that may sound). And I did things that I thought would make me look “cool” or to impress others. When I was not necessarily comfortable doing them. These included staying out on the streets all night twice and wearing a Helly Hansen coat and claiming to be into hardcore.

However, throughout the whole time, I’ve never touched drugs and have always studied hard. Achieving 13 GCSE’s including 8 A’s.

Do you think I was just going through an experimental phase because of my insecurities or what? Because now whenever people bring up my past or say “do you remember when you did this...” etc it completely shatters me inside, It’s as if it was a different person and I have no excuses for it?! I hate my past so much that it is honestly preventing me from living now because I am so worried what people think of me? Was my past really that bad or did I just live the ‘teenage life’ a little early?What is wrong with me.... please me sensitive?
I used to perform acts of a sexual nature for many of teenage boys when I was that age, things haven't changed much except I'm a little older and have gotten to know the women at the std clinic a bit better.What is wrong with me.... please me sensitive?
I know it's going to sound like a bad soap opera plot, but I had amnesia when I was younger. Total blank; no name, no memories before the moment I woke up. I had to get to know everyone I used to again. Anyhow, long story short, eventually some things did start to come back to me a couple years after, but by that time I had already developed a good sense of who I was and I was happy. The memories that came back to me were in conflict with that sense of self in a big way. I came to question who I was, who I REALLY was. Was I defined by the shattered fragments of the person I had come to know myself to be, or was the real me the person I saw in those memories? I wasn't sure if I could trust the pieced together person I was at present. Then one day I realized that I am who I am, and whoever I may have been, whatever I may have done, that doesn't affect who I really am. Because who you are comes from inside, your thoughts, your skills, your emotions, the things that really define you. I don't look for my memories anymore, I don't care about the past, because it can only affect you if you allow it to.



Get to know who you really are, and try your best to act in tune with that person. If you do something you don't like, or there's something about yourself that you feel isn't true to who you are, change it! And absolve to never act like anyone other then yourself from then on.



It's true you can't change the past, but the present becomes the past so quickly that if you dwell on your failings you only make more regret for yourself. Each day carries it's own potential; a new beginning. What you do with that potential is up to you.



Hope this helps ^_^